Self-worth and worthiness have come up the past two days. I know I lose my center when it comes to love. I over-give, over-love, lose myself and my values, worth, boundaries when it comes to being loved. Because I want so badly to be loved. I want to find someone who loves me so deeply that it makes all of the bad go away.

But I know this wanting, this longing is what is keeping me from it. Underneath it all, is a belief and a fear that I do not think it is possible. I do not think I am capable of finding such love.

I know at one point in my life I felt I was unloveable. I thought there is not way someone else is capable of loving me. And that’s sad— even now for me to acknowledge. I wish I could back and give that girl who believed she was unloveable a hug and tell her she is not just loveable but she is LOVE. Her being is LOVE. Her essence is LOVE. She is never without it.

I want to let go of this grasping, this insatiable need and want, this deep desire to find someone who loves me. It is the very thing keeping me from it.