Category: vulnerability

The Leap: “He’s Not Your Dog Anymore”

On By Brittany BigleyIn Adventure, Authenticity, Conquering Fear, empowerment, faith, Female empowerment, Letting Go, Travel, Trust, Uncategorized, vulnerability3 Comments

In therapy, as I disclosed my plan to move to Oregon, my therapist stopped me to ask a question, “What about Bdawk?”

Bdawk or Brian Dawkins, is my 80lb Rhodesian Ridgeback/Lab mix who’s been my co-pilot on life’s adventures, the highs and lows, for the past decade. Together we had backpacked the Appalachian Mountains, road tripped across the country, and he’s comforted me through devastating bouts of depression and the struggles of breaking up with a long term boyfriend.

I got still, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and accessed my internal wisdom. “He’s not coming,” I stated. “This isn’t his journey,” I said bluntly.

My ego got chatty. How is this not his journey? He’s been with me through everything these past 10 years!?

A tarot reading I booked with an intuitive friend confirmed my intuition. “His feet are firmly planted in Colorado. He still has puppy stuff to do,” my friend Ben stated matter of factly.

Confused, I decided to meditate on the situation to get clarity. I received confirmation when I saw a small girl, with long blonde hair sitting next to Bdawk and I heard, “He’s not your dog anymore.”

The blonde girl in meditation, I reasoned, was the daughter from the family who was to watch B the first month I was away. I sensed one of his doggy duties in Colorado was to keep her company while her parents took care of a new born baby.

I woke up from the meditation with the disappointing realization that Universe was asking me to release my emotional attachment to my dog, for he was on a different, more aligned, Divinely appointed, assignment. Much like feeling compelled to give the majority of my personal possessions to friends, and strangers, I felt called to practice non-attachment with Bdawk.

In Buddhism, attachment is considered one of the root causes of suffering. Non-attachment, a Buddhist notion of giving up worldly objects, pleasures, vices, or emotional fixation, is a way to prevent suffering. Whether it’s an attachment to a thing, person or outcome, the suffering comes from clinging onto the expectations we place upon them. If reality doesn’t match our expectation, then we experience what we perceive to be negative feelings such as sadness, or anger, therefor we suffer.

These things in my life that I felt “belonged” to me, my house, my possessions, Bdawk, are being used by Universe for a Divine plan, on a grander scale in scope and sequence that my little slice of consciousness is not privy. By practicing non-attachment I allow “my belongings” to be used by the Universe to benefit more people. Much like dismantling my house in Colorado, the more I trusted the process the more I was shown the way.

Allowing Bdawk to be on his own path, opened me up to caring for an array of animals while house sitting in Oregon: chickens, dogs, cats, kittens and rabbits. As I loved on these animals in my care, I pictured my love radiating back to Bdawk. Bdawk provided comfort, care and comic relief to the humans watching him for the two months. Overall, more being were exposed to the love that Bdawk and I had to give, and our medicine influenced more people.

Was practicing non-attachment easy? Hell no! There were days and nights that my emotions got the better of me, and at times felt guilty not bringing B to Oregon. But, absence made the heart grow fonder and I was excited to come back and get him at the end of July to finally join me in Oregon.

By practicing non-attachment, I surrendered to the Universe and it’s Divine Plan. It opened me up to a greater understanding of external forces at play. I deeply understood that love was not bound by time zone or geographical location, nor was it reserved for only what “belonged” to me. Finally, I realized that possessing something is an illusion. Nothing is ever fully yours or mine. It is under a greater Divine purpose, and can be taken away or repurposed for someone or something else.

He’s not your dog anymore…

He was never fully mine to begin with, he was a gift of the Universe.

The Leap: Relearning Lessons- Lesson #2: Have a Little Faith

On By Brittany BigleyIn Adventure, Authenticity, Conquering Fear, empowerment, faith, Female empowerment, hope, Letting Go, optimism, Trust, Uncategorized, vulnerabilityLeave a comment

The Law of Faith is about trusting the inherent love and intelligence working through you and all creation.

Trusting in Spirit, The Laws of Spirit, by Dan Millman

The second lesson I’m having to relearn is the ability to put faith in the Universe (God) that it will support me. My Australian adventure was my first test of faith, where I jumped and the net revealed itself every step of the way. My faith carried itself over into Colorado. I moved knowing one person, but through that one person serendipitously found a job and a living situation that worked itself out nicely. It couldn’t have worked out better even if I had planned it. It was proof that the Universe conspires to work in my favor. So why haven’t I learned and embodied this lesson?

Past traumas and a parental example are forefront in my mind. I witnessed and experienced my father completely implode his life, making terrible choices that further impacted him and his family (me) negatively. I catch myself wondering if I’m likely to repeat his karma. At one point during this transitional period, readying myself to move to Oregon, my mom implied she was afraid I’d end up like my dad.

With his misfortunes in the back of my mind, I still press on with my decision to pack up and wrap up my life in Colorado, because I feel in my gut and bones there is a greater force at play. Spirit (Holy Spirit) has been preparing me to make this move since 2021, when Washington/Oregon was first put into my consciousness. Physically, I’m feeling called to the land in Washington, across the Columbia River from Hood River. There’s medicine for me in the land in Washington, possibly even a spiritual teacher waiting for me there. Through meditation, it’s been revealed that my knowledge of nervous system and emotional regulation is my medicine I will bring to the Columbia River Gorge. With intuitive hits, downloads and sensing, I feel divinely supported. Yet, it’s hard to have faith when I’m craving concrete evidence that everything will work out.

I’m taking a big risk in having faith in the Universe. I’m out of my comfort zone, waaaaay past my growth edges! Letting go of control, letting go in general, is not my strength. Not knowing details like a job or stable living situation still has the ability to send me into an anxiety attack. As I’ve been told by a psychic friend, my ability to “logic this out” will be of no use to me, and will even hinder my ability to thrive in Oregon. Fuuuuuck! That’s literally how I’ve survived the past 36 years.

This chapter, this launching off point, feels much different than the Leap I took to Australia/Colorado. My spiritual practice has deepened, and I have more spiritual tools in my tool belt. I can feel the Universe’s supportive energy. I feel Spirit calling me to push myself into significant and expansive spiritual growth. I just need to surrender and believe that the Universe will support me. I just gotta have faith (faith, faith).